Wow! Ok, let’s recap;
I’ve had the blog for a year now. I finished reading 56 books last year. I got my first full time job (!!!), which helped me start an HSA which is an adult thing that is helpful. I’m also in the process of setting up my 401k which is a thing that I’ll love when I’m old. Cool! I didn’t get to declare remission, but I am dying slower than I used to be so that is awesome!!
I had several “End of the Year” posts I thought about making and then I just got overwhelmed with my own stress and fake stress (I’ve decided to call my anxiety my fake stress). Work was packed full of relatively cranky holiday shoppers, I had finals, I was trying to read as many books as I could. The whole shebang.
Typing feels weird to my fingers because it’s been so long. How sad is that?! In my defense, I have been writing still, but most of it goes into a journal, and I don’t type that stuff up or share it with anyone. I had a whole “Welcome to 2018” thing planned but I put that off too.
Normally I come up with a long list of things I wanna accomplish in the forthcoming year. And then I tuck that away and let the year progress and every once in a while I come back and see how I’m doing and on the year goes until it ends and I have accomplished none of it. This year is different. This year I made a very short list, which goes as follows:
That’s it. That’s all I am holding myself to for the year, but while you may initially think “Oh wow Raelee, that’s literally two vague things,” let me show you how they are soooo much more.
Be patient with myself. I will make mistakes and beating myself to the pulp about other’s expectations, is unproductive and a lie. No one is holding me to a higher standard than I hold myself. Be patient with the people around me. We are all just trying to make it through the day, and sometimes that will be way more fun and sunny. Sometimes it will be a complete joy to get through the day. Other times it is hard and dark and grueling. Not everyone will remind themselves to be patient, but I always have it within my own control to remember to be patient with them. There is no true rush in life, any clock counting down is of our own invention. If I don’t get a thing done that I need to get done, it likely is not the end of the world. So long as I am not continuously being a complete inconvenience to someone else and so long as no one is getting killed, the world will not end.
Everything gets easier the more and more you do it. Using the phone, practicing a language, learning an instrument, putting clothes away, forming a routine, studying, reading big books, talking to strangers, laughing at mistakes, forgiveness. All these things get easier the more they are worked on, and more often than not I will not be great at something the first time I try. Slowly I will improve and grow, and all that takes is time.
So how am I doing? Well, I’ve been practicing French everyday for about a week. Listening to french podcasts, french music, playing french apps, reading french books. I’ve been actively playing the ukulele at least 3 times a week. Watching videos, practicing how I position my hands and my fingers, learning what things sound like, keeping an ear out for strumming patterns within songs. I’ve been seeing a therapist. I’ve been pushing myself to be a better listener. To focus on who and what is in front of me. Forgiving myself for tripping, and applauding when I get up and move forward. Telling myself to stop getting upset at my lack of natural talent, and move towards cultivating one I work for. Applauding myself and noticing my own milestones (I’ve already read 10 books this year!). Setting reasonable expectations for myself. Building those bonds with the people in my life that I love and cherish.
All of theses things take practice. All of these things take patience.